24 July 2003 - 11:49 a.m.

Shania Twain at 98?? Shania Twain? Seriously? When Dolly Parton is at #189? You'd think with Dollywood, 9 to 5 (god how I love that movie!) and the, umm, endowments Dolly deserves to be higher than Shania the Crossover and the belly button that shocked Nashville.

Denzel Washington at 69, higher than UN superhero Bono and cartoon superstar Bugs Bunny? Denzel's hot and all, and quite talented. But more of an Icon than Bono & Bugs?

Nicole Kidman at 57, higher than Kermit & Miss Piggy, Bob Dylan, and Andy Warhol? Nicole Kidman has only been around for like 3 years. Or at least only came into her own in the last 3 years. Even if Dylan steals lyrics, he's still got 30 years of poetry on Kidman.

I will not even discuss the fact that Britney (#20) and J.Lo (#15) are in the Top 20, but The Simpsons (#21), The Rolling Stones (#24), both JFK's (#23 and #32), James Dean (#26), and Frank Sinatra (#27) and Bill Cosby (#30) are not. Well, I guess I am talking about it, but it sucks. A lot. Neither Brit nor J.Lo was anything 5 years ago, and no matter how hard Hollywood tries to sell it, they are NOT multi-talented. Their PR firms might be, but these two hooches are nothing compared to the 50 year legacy of Sinatra or the legend of James Dean (who, by the way, is only a legend because he died young and left a good looking corpse.) Regardless of why he's famous, Jimmy's still got 40 years of legend and copycatting on these two, who both would have probably been engaged to him had he lived.

I'm sorry, I know she's still alive and all, but there is no way Oprah is more of an Icon than Elvis. In my estimation, she should be 8 at the highest, behind Elvis, Mickey Mouse, Madonna, Michael Jordan, Michael Jackson, The Beatles and Princess Di. She'd be #8, followed by Superman, Marilyn Monroe, with Lucille Ball rounding out the Top 10. Muhammed Ali would be 11, then maybe Tom Cruise. It all gets sort of hazy after that.

What about the omissions? Hulk Hogan? The Rock (#200) doesn't have a career in posing, shouting, and throwing people around without the Hulkster. What about Vince McMahon, for that matter? Wrestling is apparently a valid form of sports entertainment, and a multimillion dollar media giant, but not an Icon?

No Dale Earnhardt or Mickey Mantle, but you include Joe Namath (#188) and the Williams sisters (#156)?

Dr. Phil at #194, but no Dr. Ruth? How does VH1 think most of my generation learned about sex, from our parents?

According to VH1, one of the guidelines to being was whether or not SNL satirized you. However, VH1 does not consider the brains of SNL to be an Icon. No Lorne Michaels, but let's include Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, John Belushi and Mike Myers who found fame on SNL, as well as Jim Carrey who cut his teeth on a show modeled after SNL. That's not only insulting to Lorne Michaels, that's insulting to common sense.

Ask any actress today who is their idol, and odds are that Meryl Streep will be included. But Meryl Streep isn't on the list? In her stead, VH1 thought it wise to include Reese Witherspoon, Drew Barrymore, Sally Field, Sarah Jessica Parker, Penny Marshall, and Julia Roberts? Right, that totally makes sense.

Where the hell is Pee Wee? Mr. T? Big Bird? Bette Midler? Sid & Nancy? Joan Collins? Nixon? New Kids on the Block? Chuck Heston? Liza Minelli?

VH1 should be embarrassed, because they had a chance to do something really cool, and they blew it by pandering to people popular today (I'm looking at you, Justin Timberlake and Katie Couric) and not looking to people that pioneered American pop culture and left an indelible mark on generations long after they debuted.

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